The Key to Decoding Our Feelings and Reactions-Are Feelings Facts?

So, how are you feeling today? Nice, happy, sad, or just normal. Actually, being humans, we all go through various emotions. We have different moods at different times. You must have noticed that our mood depends on feelings. For instance, if I am feeling low, my mood will be sad, or if I am feeling nice about something, my mood may be happy. However, it’s different for each person depending on their capability of handling emotions and feelings.

But, are these feelings the reality? I mean, what I am feeling right now, is that the real situation around? It seems quite tricky. Isn’t it? I think we can only realize this fact when we become capable of understanding ourselves and our emotions very well. You know one of my favorite things is to explore myself better.

The more you know yourself better, the more you become able to distinguish your emotions from reality.

Pragya, Icy Whiz

So, let’s proceed to our journey of understanding feelings and reality. But, before that, I’ll explain to you more about the feelings and emotions.

Let Me Tell You About Feelings in Detail

Feelings are the intense emotional responses sent by our brain on behalf of outside perspectives that we receive.

They help us in our decision-making process so that we make informed decisions based on the messages we receive. Feelings also allow us to gain clarity on what we want and how to get that.

However, unlike usual messenger logic, feelings do not linger if you do not want them to, their primary function is to deliver the message and move ahead. But, if you give them space and time to stay they will last for longer.

Now, the question is how to control our feelings. Actually, we need to use some brain for that. I’ll tell you how we can do this. Once you receive a signal from the brain in the form of any feeling, analyze it. Check if it is helpful, if we really need this information, or what to do next with it.

What we need to remember is that our feelings do not describe us. They are not who we are. So, when you say you are sad and you are feeling sad; these are two different concepts altogether.

• If you think you are sad that means you are not letting go of the ‘feeling of sad’ and letting it define you.
• Contrarily, when you feel sad it’s just a feeling or a small phase that goes away as soon as you push it off, thus not becoming a part of your personality.

The Icy Whiz team talked to Melissa Meyers, Certified Professional Coach, about the blurred line between feelings and facts. Here is what she said:

“As a Certified Professional Coach, I often coach clients to help them distinguish feelings from facts to overcome inner blocks holding them back. I can unequivocally say, that feelings are indeed not facts.

It’s scientifically proven what you think impacts how you feel, which is your emotional state. How you feel impacts the action, or inaction you take. 

The greatest weapon you have against stress and the inner blocks holding you back from getting the most out of life are your thoughts, attitudes, and perspectives. 

Think of it this way. The word truth is universal and can’t be changed which means it’s a fact. The word true is your perspective of something based on your thoughts and feelings.

When you were born, you didn’t have opinions or perspectives about what’s right, wrong, good, or bad. As you grew up you picked up beliefs and values from family, friends, society, and media that are true to you because of your unique perspective.  

Once you understand this, you’re empowered to consciously separate your beliefs, assumptions, interpretations, and that little voice inside your head that holds you back from the evidence, the real facts.”

Next, You Also Need to Know How Emotions Are Generated

We have a fair understanding that emotions can arise from a plethora of things, activities, or circumstances.

For example, you might have an emotional response to what is currently happening or what happened in the past (when you think about it again).

Do you know that emotions can also arise out of interpretations or misunderstandings? They can even rise out of our fantasies, dreams, and beliefs and there is no capping to these examples because it is something that happens all the time, every day.

We get tons of feeling bad and good. What we have to do is make quick decisions as to which of the feelings are real, genuine, and necessary and which are just our imagination.

Emotions are basically the chemical reactions of our brain. But, the time between their release from the hypothalamus where they are produced and the final site of burst is surprisingly very small just about 6 seconds.

Implying that any emotion that you feel for more than six seconds, be it happy or sad or angry is because you have held on to that emotion. You have recreated it and thus it gets accentuated.

This is where emotional intelligence comes into play. Emotional intelligence is the power or the ability to understand how important a feeling is at that moment concerning your circumstance and quickly decide to hold onto it or let it go.

So, if in case you encounter a tiger and you feel scared then you need to hold onto that feeling so that you feel scared continuously and your brain actions your body to protect you.

Similarly, if you broke a plate made of glass, you can not fix it so stressing over it does not help which means in this case you should let that feeling go.

Ashley Murry, Chief Clinical Officer at Sana Lake Recovery Centers, shared her views on the relationship between our feelings and the truth. Here is an excerpt from the interview:

“I think that feelings are not every time indeed the facts. There’s a distinct reality between both.

Feelings undoubtedly hold weight and influence over our perceptions and decisions that we make, but we might be far away from making facts-based decisions because somewhere our feelings have overpowered us.

In our recovery centers, many individuals who are struggling with addiction may respond to a substance based on their emotions, and their feelings, creating a higher chance of relapse.

However, our doctors and medical experts use different cognitive-behavioral interventions and therapy treatments to bring them back to factual reality.

I often emphasize the importance of mindfulness, and emotional regulation techniques to my patients and everyone I meet. Developing self-awareness and observing your emotions without taking immediate actions makes you mature and helps individuals gain clarity.

Always remember that the more emotionally developed you become, the more you’ll be inclined towards going with factual data instead of going with your gut feelings.”

Now, Let’s Find Out If Feelings Are Facts

If something feels good, it does not mean that it is good. If something feels bad, that does not mean that it is definitely bad. And, if something feels scary it does not mean that it is dangerous.

Just because you feel something does not make it a reality. For example, if you’re feeling low and you’re trying to overcome a problem. You will not do with full preparation because you will feel that there is no point in this, you will not succeed.

So, in such a case do not go by your feelings and do not believe in your gut, because as stated above feelings are not the truth always.

So, in place of that learn how to distinguish a feeling from a fact.

When you are in a situation try to look at it factually, rather than how you feel about it emotionally.

Do not get driven by your feelings instead try to understand from where are they feelings arising and then think over the facts that come out of this analysis. Do they match your emotional response to the situation? Is it genuinely risky or it’s just your emotions?

Emotional reasoning is another aspect that we need to consider in this discussion. If someone operates using emotional reasoning they might get into a lot of trouble because feeling might supersede logic.

For example, somebody who is feeling bad may not respond nicely to another person. This behavior can put their relationship in trouble.

We interviewed Shenella Karunaratne, Licensed Professional Counselor at OnlineMFTPrograms.com, on this. Here is what she had to say:

“I think it would be untrue to say that feelings and facts are two entirely different things. Feelings are often (usually) factually associated with what is going on.

For example, if someone’s pet dies, and that person feels sad about the death of their pet, their sadness feels factual because it is what one would expect regarding the situation.

There are, of course, times in which a person’s feelings may not seem to be directly factually associated with the situation, however.

But, that does not necessarily mean those feelings should be discredited. If a person is feeling a certain way about something, it is simply a fact that they are feeling that way.”

So, the truth is that feelings are not facts they are just signposts. They can alert us to certain events or help us with information to come to conclusions. They are not the guiding force. However, we are not at all under their mercy.

So, if you ever feel something that does not add up in your life then figure it out, don’t ignore it, don’t push it off rather think it through. I suggest you understand their origin, understand the truth, and always hold the possibility that your feelings might not be correct.

Guest Author: Saket Kumar

Last Updated on May 12, 2024 by Pragya